NOTE to readers – SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM (if you are on the main blog page) and work your way up if you are the type of person that likes chronological order – forgive any grammar, spelling, or whatever other writing mistakes you will find in my posts. Yes I love to use dashes and dots – I write how I would speak! Since I am writing from the road my first focus is enjoying the sights and trying to record them as best I can. Therefore, in regards to proof reading – Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!
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Holy shitballs. I’m actually doing this thing!!! I just cracked open my first little bottle of Captain and mixed it with my diet coke…. I’m already feeling like a savvy traveler considering I packed my own little liquor bottles to save money!! GO ME – genius right?? Thank you Pinterest for yet another one of your amazing ideas. SO here I am – in the glorious Philly airport waiting to board my flight to London while sipping on my cocktail. LIFE IS GOOD.
Life wasn’t so peachy a year ago. Last month marked my one year anniversary of quitting my job as a Director of a Brain Training Center (loved the subject matter… just not who I was working for). I was totally freaking miserable…had such bad anxiety on a daily basis about having to go to “the office”… and became depressed for the first time in my life (You can read more about the details in my first post ever titled “The Backstory”). It sucked. It sucked hard.
Every day I would sit there and look in the mirror and ask myself “Where am I?” – not in the location sense (I was living blocks from the beach in sunny Huntington Beach, California <— if you have never visited SoCal DO IT.) – I was searching for ME. The me who was happy go lucky… the me who loved life… the me who had wacky ideas… the me who lived in the moment… the me who wanted to live life to the fullest. I had gotten so far away from my true self that I had trouble identifying with the down in the dumps person I had become. From the outside it may not have appeared that way – but I was feeling lost and bored with my life – I hated having to TRY to be happy. I had always dreamed of traveling but had no clue how to make that dream come true!
Damn it…. I’m actually tearing up thinking of that time in my life. Life is far too short to stay in a down state. I recognized that I was feeling “situationally depressed” (yea I totally made that up I think)– and the only way I was going to get back on the up and up was to take ACTION. People recommended a doctor and therapist (I was prescribed Prozac… took one pill (I’m a weirdo and rarely take any medicine – even Tylenol)… asked myself what the hell I was doing… and decided to change my situation by quitting my job the next week). I went to the therapist once and was pretty much told I have a lot going for me and walked away feeling worse than I did before – like even the therapist thought I should have my shit together.
I knew the answer wasn’t in a pill or a therapist or a book for me. I knew I just needed to start DOING and stop just THINKING. I’ve always felt pretty empowered and believe that I control my life. It was me who needed to make changes and figure out what was best for me.
NOTE: IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED OR HAVE ANXIETY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I had to massively put my pride aside and sort my shit out. I cried to my mom…. My best friend… and let people in to know how I was truly doing. Just do SOMETHING….ANYTHING – to become the person you want to be. If you have a family history of anxiety and depression (which I do) – then take matters into your own hands and stay on top of it. I never thought I would be writing about what I dealt with but the more I talk to people the more I realize how much these feelings impact people’s lives. It’s doesn’t need to be a permanent thing. Fight for you happiness if you have to!!!! Reach out to someone (including me) if you need encouragement or that push. Read…. Educate yourself… find what works for YOU!
After realizing all of these feelings… That’s when I had to address my undying wanderlust.
Where would I go? How would I save money? Who would I stay with? BOOM – hello anxiety. Hello Type A personality trying to figure every little detail out before taking a first step.
If I was going to get ANYWHERE in this world I had to knock that shit off.
So I just started following my instinct… taking it one step at a time… and enjoying my hiatus from adulthood (aka a regular “job”).
Some crazy roommate circumstances led me to realize it was time for me to move on from Huntington Beach. I joined my childhood friend in Hollywood for a month to explore… and decided I would drive cross country back home to PA where my mother and her husband so graciously said I could stay with them. Sounded like it was time for me to make some moves so I just went with it.
I spent the month of August driving cross country (and blogged about it for fun!) – I left LA with a vague sense of where I wanted to go and decided I would “just wing it”. I HAD A FREAKING BLAST! I went from sleeping in my car on night 1 due to a miscommunication with an acquaintance – to partying on a multi-million dollar yacht sipping cocktails in a jacuzzi in Miami 2 weeks later! It’s amazing what happens when you just LET GO and open your heart and mind to new people and places.
I came back to PA with the mindset that I would leave in 2-3 months max. Ha yea – ok Lindsay – great goal setting… way to be realistic. It frustrated me for a bit but I decided to just relax and enjoy this time around my family and friends. I had moments of “WTF did I do? Why did I move to PA???” – and then I had times of pure bliss just looking around at all the amazing people I had in my life that I loved and who loved me right back. After several weeks of being back “home” in Pennsylvania I came to the conclusion that… I loved my environment in California but didn’t necessarily like the feeling I had (mainly due to stressful jobs and feeling lonely at times) – whereas I didn’t like my environment in PA but liked the feeling I had.” It is what it is…. I decided to just accept and enjoy.
Then November 30th came along. I was working as a nanny for a wonderful family with 3 small children (aka my birth control) and saving as much money as I could for my future travels…. THEEEEEEEEN I met a man at a bar in Doylestown when I was out for girls night… And we hit it off from the first moment we met. You know those cheesy love stories you see in movies – it was something along the lines of that. But having been single for a while it was an unexpected occasion. I literally made a conscious effort to NOT date two weeks prior to the night I met him.
The night we met I told him (in my straight up blunt way of expressing myself) that I would never date someone who was divorced with kids. It was a strong conviction I had about how I imagined my future relationship to be…. Yet a week later (after spending MANY hours together)… he nervously shared with me that he was going through a divorce and had two kids. SAY WHAT? I already had strong feelings for him so we decided to see where it would go. I want to respect his privacy so I won’t say much more about his situation with ALLLLL that…. Let’s just say I never want to get divorced. Like ever. No thanks. It’s ugly.
Feelings gushed from every pore and two weeks later it was nothing but “I love you” being expressed on a romantic weekend trip to NYC. We just clicked. We were different yet the banter and chemistry between us was amazing. There was no wondering if he wanted to see me… there was no wondering how he felt – it was clear as day! He was brilliant at communicating his feelings and I could spend hours upon hours just laying around talking to him. It was how I always imagined I would feel when I met “the one”.
While we were dating I was presented with an opportunity to tour with my friend’s band in Europe. I had lived with him for 2.5 years and he used to be my roommate in Cali – an amazing roommate (and person!) at that! They were touring in Europe for a few weeks and he mentioned that there was a possibility for me to join them! HELLS YEA! At first I didn’t allow myself to get too excited but then I got an official message saying I was invited along!!! I’ll be helping them with merchandise and will pretty much be a roadie on tour – I’m blessed that I’ve known the band for years, love their music, and they are all really nice guys! Didn’t have to ask me twice – I booked my one way ticket to London (and here I am on an airplane headed that way!).
As for the man – We dated for 4 months and it seriously made me feel like my heart was going to burst at times with how much I loved him. He always knew of my plans of travel and supported them…. Yet long story short as my trip neared and reality set in…. we parted ways. I’m this crazy free spirit who wants to travel the world and he was a dad with a life set in place. Differences are differences when it comes down to it. I felt like I wouldn’t be fully invested in the relationship until I fulfilled my desire to travel. It was the nicest breakup I’ve ever had. I kissed him goodbye after all. I didn’t hear from him for two weeks but then received a text from him the morning of my departure (today)… Which turned into an hour phone conversation… that turned into trying to figure out how to see each other before I left… which ultimately didn’t happen but it left me feeling at peace with everything – WHO knows what the future holds.
As I write this I am on the plane to London! We got held up for 30 minutes due to some “records from Phoenix” bullshit of some sort. When I found my seat I realized that I am literally surrounded by kids. The 5-6 year old little Asian boy next to me was sucking up his boogey nose and the two year old across the row was challenging me to a staring contest…however, I was totally distracted by hearing English accents!! Ah I’m actually headed to London!
Five blowing of the noses later next to me and I was seriously about to start challenging myself to how long I could hold my breath as to not breathe in the nasty airplane air. The kid did redeem himself a little while later when he was watching Frozen on his T.V. screen and starting singing “LET IT GOOOOOOOOO LET IT GOOOOOOOO” and didn’t realize everyone could hear him. So stinking cute.
I decided to go with American Hustle for my movie of choice and debated whether it was appropriate for me to be watching this with a kid next to me (I think of these things)…. I heard the movie was good but wasn’t sure what to expect …. THEN Amy Adams came on screen with nipple tassels!! I seriously felt like a creeper watching it. Ei yei yei. I could barely enjoy the movie because I was anticipating inappropriateness. I had a legit debate in my head as to if I should continue watching it or not. I watched it… sorry little boy if I corrupted you. Just look away… look away…
OHHH YEA DINNER TIME!
I was served “chicken” – I’ve never been to prison but I’m pretty sure the dish I was served would rival the worst of any jail food. I hadn’t eaten since lunch so I peppered the shit out of it and ate enough so my stomach stopped rumbling. At least they served it with a glass of complimentary wine – oh we FANCY on US Airways!
We have about 4 more hours til we land. I’m guessing I will look ravishing upon arrival given I’m not even close to wanting to go to sleep.
Time to break out another little mini and mix me up a drink. Party of one in row 34!
Stay tuned…. More adventures to come.
Ok…. So the little boy next to me is back on my shit list. He managed to either kick, hit, or poke me almost every time I actually fell asleep. I totally FAIL at being able to sleep on planes already… add in an space invasive kid and I was pretty much screwed in the sleep department. I typically cover my face when I sleep on a plane (ain’t no one seeing me snoozing with my mouth hanging open) – and had actually managed to fall back asleep after the “breakfast” announcement but the flight attendant woke me up to give me a warm muffin top type thingy as a snack. WHAT I would do for some egg whites, avocado, and tomato right now!! After the food they served last night my body is craving something healthy and fresh. Normally I would pack stuff but I literally have no extra space in my travel backpack and small purse (the only pieces of luggage I brought!).
It was a joyful sight seeing the beverage cart pull up to my row. Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee – get in my veins NOW! I chugged two glasses of water and took a sip of my coffee. Straight up jet fuel! I seriously think they just tapped into the tank. Grossness.
I am the epitome of a red eye flight right now.
Touchdown in London in 138 miles!
I made it! Albeit little Asian boy puking in his vomit bag once we landed…so precious. Waiting at baggage claim for the boys to arrive. Lucky for me I saw their plane pulling in as I was walking off mine.
Let the adventures begin!