NOTE to readers – SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM (if you are on the main blog page) and work your way up if you are the type of person that likes chronological order. The first post is “The Backstory”. ALSO –forgive any grammar, spelling, or whatever other writing mistakes you will find in my posts. Yes I love to use dashes and dots – I write how I would speak! Since I am writing from the road my first focus is enjoying the sights and trying to record them as best I can. Therefore, in regards to proof reading – Ain’t nobody got time fo dat!
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Well that was a delightful 4 hours of sleep I had there. Once again – I FAIL at sleeping in. Doesn’t matter what time I go to bed. I’m up regardless. My friend was still fast asleep so I decided to write for a bit before waking her up at 10:30…since checkout time was 11. This was my first mistake given it takes her at least an hour to get ready every day. She called the front desk and requested late check-out…problem solved. We made coffee and planned out our day. We both wanted to do an air boat tour in the Everglades so we found one with good reviews on Yelp and called ahead to find out what time they were open till. I also had the pleasure of discovering that I lost my voice – compliments of signing and trying to talk above the music last night. My voice was really scratchy and I sounded pretty manly. Cute.
My car was parked at a meter and was scheduled to expire at 11:45 so I left my friend in the shower and sat in my car chatting for almost an HOUR until she finally made her way out. Not that we were in a rush to go anywhere but I come from the mindset of wanting to see and do as much as I can so I get a little impatient waiting for others. We were finally on the road and driving to the Everglades by 1pm.
As we were driving my voice kept getting worse and worse. My friend had a weed lollypop and offered it to me but given I was driving I declined. However, once we pulled up to the airboat place my throat was so scratchy I needed something to soothe it… so I took a few licks of the lollypop before it split in half. Opppsie. My friend told me to have the one half so I continued to suck on it as I paid for my airboat and we waited for our tour. It didn’t really cross my mind that it would have an effect on me and I soon forgot that I had it. For anyone that knows me personally… you know I have a questionable memory so this “forgetting” shouldn’t come as a shock.
The airboat tour was AMAZING! Because we arrived later in the day we were the last tour and it ended up being just my friend and I – so it was like a private tour! The dude driving the boat was super knowledgeable and got the alligators to come right up next to the boat. He fed them and even hooked one of them with his hand! It was seriously incredible. Totally cool. LaRoo sat in my lap the whole time looking around and I did my best to cup her ears since the boat was super loud.
When we got back to shore we headed to the car and were on our way to Key Largo. It was a long two way road with construction to get into the Everglades and we had to make the same trek to get out. As I was driving I started noticing I felt a little weird. In my head I was like “Ummm am I drunk? Did I drink today? Nope, I didn’t. Why do I feel weird? Am I sick? What is this?” – it took me a good FIVE MINUTES until HOLY SHIT – I’m high as a kite from the weed candy!!! I totally forgot about it. I looked over at my friend and was like “ AHHHH THE CANDY!” – and she was like “Yea I’m totally high right now!”. OMG WHO EATS A PIECE OF WEED CANDY AND FORGETS ABOUT IT???? I’m winning at life. Awesome. Way to be an adult Lindsay.
I’m not against marijuana – I think it’s actually more user friendly than alcohol – but I just never really got into it. Probably because I usually A. get super hungry and eat like a 400 pound fat kid, B. Want to fall asleep, or C. Get super geeky and paranoid.
This time my high was taking the option C route. Once I realized I was high I immediately started looking in my side view mirror and thinking “The people behind me have to know. They are going to call the cops. OMG what am I going to do. Am I driving ok?” TOTAL paranoia set in. Luckily my friend and I had already decided to check out this Caribbean food place that was 10 minutes away. I drove with my hands on 10 and 2 and developed laser like focus as I drove those few miles. Plus my friends gets super funny when she is high so we were laughing our asses off about one thing or another most of the way – nice distraction from my paranoid state of mind.
We walked into the food place and then option A started kicking in. OOOH what’s that? Bread pudding cake? YES PLEASE!! Rum cake – sure! I ordered some chicken and rice thingy and could barely contain myself while they prepared it. It’s like I haven’t seen food in years. We had to take the food to go since we had LaRoo.
Once in the car we found an empty area in the parking lot and pulled in under the shade of a tree. I dug in and nom nom nomed myself silly – the glorious taste of food when you’re high = PURE happiness. As we were eating shit started falling off the tree and making these loud pinging noises when hitting my car. It was quite entertaining. Once we officially stuffed our faces we were on the road again heading to Key Largo.
We hadn’t made a hotel reservation so we pulled off once we got into town – and were just in time to catch the sunset! Gorgeous! We found a room at the Hampton Inn – perf. Once we were all checked in I could have seriously fallen asleep…which I started doing as my friend was getting ready. I felt like crap because my throat was scratchy and it felt like I had some starting symptoms of a migraine (I get one every year or so – but hadn’t had one in yeaaaaars… or any illness for that matter. I have a ninja like immune system compliments of working in childcare for so many years and being around hundreds of little germ factories).
As much as I wanted to pass out I did rally up the energy to at least go and get one drink. Our options were limited but we found a bar called Hog Heaven. We walked into the place and there were only a few people at the bar (mostly older men). My friend and I decided to play a round of pool and considering we are both challenged in the area of pool playing – our game took FOREVER. Every time my friend took a shot this dude at the bar would creepily stare at her. GROSS. When I told her she said he was doing the same thing every time I took a shot. EWWW nothing like someone your dad’s age checking you out…just the thought of it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
After my glorious win at pool we made our way outside to the back deck. The place was on the water and had these cool lights on the sea floor that shined up to the surface so you could see the fish swimming all around. We settled into a spot on the bar and ordered some calamari. We were chatting when this older gentleman next to us interjected and asked if my name was Leslie (eavesdrop much you creeper? – geez!). He was a bit intoxicated and we thought he said HIS name was Leslie so we will refer to him as Captain Leslie – since he was a captain of a boat and was in town because he was moving someone’s private yacht.
He was all up in arms because a storm was rolling in and now he would be stuck in Key Largo for a days and was losing money and yadeyadeyada. He then claimed that he would tell us the craziest story EVER. Apparently some time ago he was moving this lawyer’s yacht. He checked out the boat and was on his way and out in sea when he started hearing this scratching sound. NOW – Captain Leslie was adamant that once he is on a boat for a few minutes he knows EVERY sound the boat makes…. But this scratching sound was new and unusual. When he went to investigate he went into the engine room and found a woman duck taped and surrounded by C-4. The bomb was set to go off at 4:30 and it was 4:20. He quickly made an SOS type call to the coast guard or whoever and they showed up within minutes to take care of the “situation”.
The woman was the lawyer’s wife who he was obviously trying to kill … and the scratching sound?? Her toenail on the fiberglass wall of the boat. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so crazy! I later tried to google this to check the validity of it but couldn’t find anything so we will just have to take Captain Leslie’s word for it.
As the night rolled on we had some young guys come up to us to chat – but Captain Leslie was persistent and given I was sitting next to him he wouldn’t leave me the hell ALONE! He was OBSESSED with asking and wanting to know how far we thought we could throw a fish… A FISH? Sorry dude but where I come from throwing fishing isn’t some common past time. He brought it up like 15 times – no joke. He said he had some fish, measuring tape, and chalk in his car so that we should go to the parking lot to have a fish throwing contest. He seriously wouldn’t give it up. Weirdo!
My gut feeling was this guy probably has buried a few bodies in his day and he most likely was the one who duck taped the woman so I wanted to stay in as public of a place as possible with this guy around. My friend got to chatting with some young guy and I was doing my best to ignore Captain L… until he leaned over and whispered – “I have some good weed and good cocaine. Follow me.” He then got up out of his chair and disappeared for a while.
The creeper that was watching us play pool took this as his cue to come sit there – DAMNIT! I guess Captain L wasn’t done creeping us out because he decided to come back and sternly kick pool creeper out of “his seat”. AWWWWWWKWARD.
Luckily the guys my friend was chatting with wanted to take us out to this little beach area so we were saved from the middle aged creep contest that was going on at the bar. We found some lounge chairs where we relaxed and watched the heat lightning storm. I was talking to the one local boy and I asked if you could swim there and he told me that they refer to the area right where we were as “shark alley” since that is where the fisherman come to dump the fish carcasses – and it draws in the sharks! AHHH think I’ll be staying on dry land!
After almost falling asleep on the lounge chair several times I decided to call it a night. I feel sleep like a 2 year old in the car ride back to the hotel. AHHHH I guess all this travel is catching up with me!
Adventures and travel is worth a bit of sleep deprivation here and there….WELL worth it.