Day 11 – Miami, Tuesday, August 13th

You would think that I would have had a delightful night of sleep given the fact I had a private room in this gorgeous quiet condo with a comfortable bed and plush sheets…but that was not the case. As I was trying to fall asleep last night I was getting these weird night terror scary dreams. I think it is called sleep paralysis?? It’s the feeling that you are kind of in a dream but also kind of awake and you just can’t move or wake yourself up to get out of it!!! Terrifying! I get them every once in a while and when I do finally get myself to wake up out of it I’m always scared shitless to go back to sleep. Usually the premises of the dream are someone is in the room and going to get me – and it seems SO REAL. Add that to my natural fear of the dark and I was one big hot mess last night!

I did finally manage to fall asleep and woke up around 9am. Given I was on the 18th floor of the building I had to make the trek downstairs to let LaRoo out. I’m sure the doormen aren’t used to seeing someone with bedhead and a sleep dress on strolling through the front doors. This place was super fancy smancy so I envision the women coming downstairs in pristine silk pajamas with their makeup done and jewels on to let their dogs out. Yup. Not me – I’m your roll out of bed kind of gal.

Once back upstairs I decided to get some writing done since my friend and the guy were still sleeping… I wrote and I wrote and I wrote for a few hours before they FINALLY woke up a little before 1pm! HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS??? Someone teach me…please! As a person that is usually on the go exploring when I travel it is a challenge for me to just take my good ol’ time waking up and getting ready….so I decided to keep on writing on the balcony overlooking the marina and ocean – NOT a shabby view!

The front door opened and in walked the owner of the yacht. The boys were heading back to Mexico City later that day so we all went out for one last meal together at the nice restaurant downstairs. The two guys and my friend were geeking out over watching horse jumping videos so I entertained myself on the phone for a bit. As we were finishing lunch and the guys mentioned they needed to head out or they were going to miss their flight, the fire alarm in the building went off and we were asked to stay outside. My first thought was OH NO LAROO!!! Luckily it was a false alarm and moments later we were given the green light that we could head back in.

My friend had previously mentioned to the guy if it was possible for us to stay in his condo for another night since no one was going to be there. He said his parents were coming into town and the maid service was scheduled to come but he then just took it upon himself to book us a room at the W!!!! SWEEEEET! Thanks yo!

After we retrieved my car from valet (which was smeared with bugs and packed full of my crap – classy)… we wanted to head to the beach but given we had LaRoo didn’t know where to head. We eventually made our way somewhere but dogs weren’t allowed so I told my friend to go enjoy the beach for a bit. It was getting into early evening and we wanted to go check into the hotel so we headed over to the W. My friend decided to go check in to see if there was any way we could get around the $125 fee they charge to have a pet – ridiculous! As I was sitting there two guys pulled up in their Ferrari and were trying to make a bit of a scene. My phone rang and it was my friend saying to come meet her by the elevators…I scooped up LaRoo and trotted right on in…$125 saved! WHowhoooooo!

Our room was sooooo nice! Gorgeous! Beautiful! We quickly settled in and the first thing I wanted to do was soak in this awesome, square, soaking tub. I love me a good bath! I poured a glass of wine and climbed in…looking around the room thinking “MAAAAAN so THIS is what money can buy. NICE!” I would never feel inclined to spend almost $500 for ONE NIGHT in a hotel. That’s just overboard for me… BUT I will certainly enjoy being treated to a swanky room for the night!

My friend decided to relax and take a bath too so she hopped on in. NOW NOW NOW.. before you men go fantasizing about some fantastic lesbian scene…you will be greatly disappointed with the reality of the situation. We just chatted about life, had a good heart to heart, and mostly talked about boys – typical girl shit. It’s just what we girls do. I’ve seen most of my friends naked. It’s just normal. We all have the same girl parts for the most part so no big deal haha.

Once we were all ready and fancy smancy we headed down to the Library Bar in the W for a drink. We sat out on the patio and my friend ordered a virgin drink (she doesn’t drink) and I got some type of cocktail…. Bar tab? $34. DAAAAMNIT! I think it’s so dumb to spend so much money on alcohol but figured since I hadn’t spent any money the prior few days to just let it go…

As the crowd headed over to the club we quickly made friends with people in the VIP line and slipped right on in. The music was deafening loud and the place was getting packed. I went to the bar to order a rum and diet and upon it’s delivery I was shocked that a small glass was $17!! OK LINDSAY – enjoy your last drink for the evening – you are officially cut off! Once again – do dumb to spend money like that in clubs when traveling. We danced and had a blast and when I went to the bar to order a refill on my water the bartender asked why I wasn’t drinking. I told him “Oh I’m not really drinking tonight” – his response?? He poured me a large glass of champagne and slid if across the bar. DAMN I like being a woman J Perhaps the micro-mini $9.00 dress that left not a lot to the imagination did the trick…but WHEN IN MIAMI!!!  Thanks bartender at The Wall!

My friend and I continued to dance and make friends throughout the night. I had borrowed her 3” heels and sure as hell still do not know how I managed to not fall on my face. I usually prefer flats given I’m 5’10” and am already naturally taller than most girls IN heels. We were standing over by one of the bottle service table and my friend was chatting with some guy. I was dancing when one of the guys at the table asked if I wanted a drink… I said I would much rather prefer a place to sit since my feet were aching at that point. I sat down and a drink appeared in my hand within second – once again…perks of being a girl! I chatted with this guy who was visiting from Boca Raton with his friends. He was nice but given the decibel of the music I have NO IDEA what we talked about.

The club started closing down around 4am so my friend and I wondered out to the hotel lobby. She immediately recognized the one guy who had pulled up in the Ferrari…and being the car nut that she is, she went over to say hi. He was sitting there with an “older” (he ended up being 44 I think) guy… My friend and I didn’t eat dinner so she told the guys she was hungry. A few minutes later and we were walking out the doors of the W in search of food. My friend jumped in the Ferrari with the one dude (let’s call him Douche – since he ended up being a complete tool) and I jumped into some Mercedes with the other guy (we will call him Manager since he was Douche’s manager… more on that in a minute).

As I was driving with Manager he explained that Douche was a “rap star” and they had been filming a video earlier in the day. He proceeded to play this one song – which I found hilariously entertaining… and GUESS WHO JUST FOUND IT ON YOUTUBE – meeee!! I have to share so you can get the full essence of this guy before you find out what happened. Just don’t blame me if your ears start to bleed —   ß You’re just a gringoooooooooo — which I may or may not have been singing really loudly when we pulled up to the pizza place…. Haha!

We drove up and down Ocean Drive until we found parking. We walked by Mangos but it looked grimy so we continued around the corner until we found a pizza place. As we were sitting munching on our extremely large pieces of pizza (add that to the list of unattractive things I’ve done this year), Douche was complaining about some girl dancer that took a water from the W suite they were filming in… and he was all fired up that she would have to pay for it. REALLY DUDE? These people are working hard for you and you are probably paying them crap if ANYTHING!  – the LEAST you can do is treat them to some damn water!!

After daintily scarfing down our pizza (just kidding), we headed back to the cars. I wanted to catch a ride in the Ferrari on the way back but when I mentioned this Douche was acting like a dick and said something like “well I would miss your friend too much” – UMMMM LIKE YOU HAVE A CHANCE WITH HER CHIN STRAP DOUCHEY FACE? It gets under my skin when someone acts better than you and I was getting that vibe from him. I’m not proud to report what happened next but I flipped him the finger and just walked away to the other car…. It’s once in a blue moon that I will come across someone who just gets me irritated like that butt I just had a gut feeling that Douche was a super duper one.

On the car ride back I ranted to Manager about how Douche isn’t going to go very far if he acts like that and my booze booze boozey booze face was doing a lot of talking. He actually agreed with me and confirmed that Douche… is simply… a douche. Sorry BRO but you get what you asked for. Act like a complete ass and you earn a Douche reputation.

Just so you can get a visual on this guy… he had a white shirt with jeans on, a Louis Vuitton belt with a LV wallet hanging down. A super thin chin strap beard thing, and a turkey neck (you know the chubby little bit that hangs down?). He wouldn’t really make eye contact when talking and couldn’t hold a conversation. WINNER. For sure.

Update about Douche: The next day once my friend and I got to chat about this night she was telling me that Douche didn’t know how to work the Ferrari and SHE had to give HIM instructions for how to make it work and go….and he drove it like such a total sissy. They had rented it for the video shoot….probably along with the Loius Vuitton stuff given the name of the some was something with Louis V in the title. I’ll keep my eye out for that video because I wouldn’t want ANY of you to miss that musical masterpiece.

Once I got back to the hotel I promptly made my way to the room to check on LaRoo. I walked by my friend talking to Douche but she didn’t see me because she ended up texting me asking if I wanted to go hang out with these other people she met earlier in the night. UMMMM it was 5:30 at this point and I could barely keep my eyes open – NO THANKS! I had already showered and was in bed!

Keeping it weird in Miami… sweet dreams.


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